Roofers and an earthquake I can tackle. Small, buggish things in the night?...
I’m a pretty hard sleeper. Most of the time. Or so I thought. I’ve slept through a crew of dudes re-roofing the house at 6:00 am…I’ve slept through a screaming alarm I forgot to turn off the night...
View ArticleClik here to view.
I’m living with the law and breaking it every day but let’s just keep that...
If you are my husband…here, go read about the infatuation I used to have with Snoop Dogg. Or Snoop Lion. Or whoever he is now. (And THAT is one of the very reasons I am over Snoop. I mean, who in...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Bet you never thought you’d see Post-it Notes, a Hippie Van and Zombie-talk...
You know how when you’re on the way to the work joint and you’re just not feeling it and you wish you didn’t stop and get that breakfast taco because now you’re going to be all gassy when you get there...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Motherhood and Batwings. A winning combination.
“Listen. You’ve got a figure I’d kill a man and a small cat for. If I was anywhere close to your size, I’d spend the majority of my time walking around naked, slapping on lipgloss and heels, and the...
View ArticleClik here to view.
I could call this My Husband’s Butt Hole but that would be totally...
I couldn’t stop laughing. Could. Not. Stop. It eventually got to the point I was doing that silent-with-my-trap-wide-open-heaving-hard-and-doing-my-absolute-best-NOT-to-pee-a-little laugh. And it’s...
View ArticleClik here to view.
I need better signs than what I get now from life even though I probably...
Me to me: “Are you shitting me? You were just hanging around the house and thought, “let me write some jacked up crap on my car window so I can drive through traffic and see how many honks I can...
View ArticleClik here to view.
With or without panties, we were going to see Chicago.
1. I got a massage. 2. I purchased myself a nice little jug of Irish Creme. C. I proceeded to knock back a couple of mugs of chocolate fudge flavored gourmet coffee that contained shots of said...
View ArticleClik here to view.
I’m a jackass. And that’s ok because God thinks He’s funny and agrees. So now...
“I’ll just tell him I need an oil change later. No need in him calling back this early for that.” “Do not forget to tell him to start the dishwasher before he leaves the house. Do not forget.” “Maybe...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Mom, I might be sounding all thankful and crap but I still want your gumbo pot.
Momma…I’m tired. And I only have one. One that “I” didn’t even birth. One that I got when she was 14. Now she’s a week from being 16, and I’m worn to the bone. And I’m not juggling 3 kids, keeping...
View ArticleClik here to view.
Just discovered my teenager doesn’t understand me. Well, there’s a news flash.
Allow me to quote my 16-year-old teenager as I was driving her home from the college accounting class she’s taking and continuously gripes about but yet won’t shut her trap about the frat boy that’s in...
View Article
